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Jerry was once the senior vice president of advertising for a world renowned cosmetic company. But for some years now, he has been a social worker for the board of education in the Illinois city where he lives. On the job, he was working with students considered to be difficult and he began to take an interest in them that extended beyond the school day. Soon, he found himself bringing some of them home.
"I
started with kids in my high school," Jerry explains.
" I thought, ‘If I could pick these kids up every weekend,
why couldn't I take a couple of kids who don't have parents?'"
Jerry
first worked with a private adoption agency, but was finally
approved to adopt by the Illinois Department of Children and
Family Services. When he learned that he had been approved
to adopt a child, Jerry's first thought was, "Well, I'll
take two!"
Jerry
attempted to adopt two brothers, but it didn't work out. It
took a little while for him to find the right match. Jerry
discovered that not every social worker was enthusiastic about
the idea of a single, Caucasian man adopting an African American
school-age boy. Even after he found Willie, there were delays,
and Jerry describes the process as "a long, drawn out
adoption." To parents who may be having similar difficulties,
Jerry says, "Stick it out. Don't give up the first time."
Willie
appeared as one of three siblings on Wednesday's Child in
August,1999. He was about eight years old, and had been in
about eight foster care placements. Although Jerry was interested
in adopting more than one child, plans for placing the children
as a sibling group were changed, and they did not end up being
adopted by the same family. But Jerry was able to follow through
on adopting Willie.
At first,
Willie needed special education in a contained classroom.
Now he has been mainstreamed and he is an A student. Almost
twelve years old, Willie is very conscientious about his studies.
But when he isn't studying , he is, according to his dad,
THE basketball player.
Compared
to Willie's adoption, Jerry describes his second son Michael's
adoption as being fairly easy. Like Willie, Mike was a Wednesday's
Child. His feature appeared in October, 2001. About two weeks
before Mike's adoption was to be finalized, there was a noticeable
change in his behavior and his attitude about being adopted,
Jerry says. "He started telling everybody!"
Mike was
about ten years old when he came home. Jerry says that Mike,
who will soon be thirteen, is still making up for the childhood
that he missed. He's big on both baseball and football. And
he is enjoying his first real friendship. Both boys are now
off of all medication. And Jerry, Willie and Mike are working
togther on a big family project this year-- welcoming a new
member of the family who will be Jerry's third son.
Parents
who adopt older children should be prepared for some challenging
behavior, Jerry believes. "Stealing-- that's probably
going to happen. It's a loss issue," Jerry explains.
"Things are going to go wrong. They will lash out at
you. You will get angry and you will get frustrated. You will
say, ‘Why did I do this?' You can't give up." To have
a head start, Jerry suggests, "Find out a lot about the
child. Get as much information as you can."
Jerry
feels it has definitely been a plus to have experience working
with youth. "I work in the environment that the kids
come out of, so I have somewhat of an advantage," he
says. "I'm a clinical social worker. Behavior problems
don't scare me because that's what I work with. I've dealt
with those kids all day long." He laughs, as he adds,
"Now I have to come home and deal with my own."
He also
values the lessons he learned during the days of his career
in advertising. "I worked in the corporate world, so
you can't push me away easily. I know what they deserve, and
I go and get it!"
About
parenting Mike and Willie, Jerry says, "They are a blessing.
They are just beautiful to watch." What does it take
to help a youngster at risk become a happy, successful member
of a family? According to Jerry, the answer is simple: "Once
the child feels secure and loved– there's your formula– they're
going to be OK."
Story written by Becky Birtha as told by Jerry
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