How Long Will I Wait for a Child?
by Becky Birtha

Congratulations! With your homestudy completed, written, and signed, you are well on your way to becoming an adoptive parent. Yet it may still take some time– from a few weeks to two years or more– to be matched with a child. A wait of about a year is not unusual.

Why the long wait?

Are you looking for a child with no disabilities, or only mild ones? Does your home have space for only one child? Do you prefer a child younger than six years old, or a Caucasian child? Is your heart set on a girl? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you can expect your wait to be a little longer. There are fewer of these children waiting and more families who want to adopt them.

Your agency may prefer to match families with children in its own care, or children within your county or state. Such a policy can prolong the process, depending on what type of child you hope to adopt and the children who are in the care of your agency. Make sure your social worker knows that you want to consider children from other agencies and areas.

Your agency may expect you to locate the child yourself. Don't take offense! Most successful adoptive families say you should not sit back and wait, but take an active role. Check Internet sites like Wednesday's Child or the Adoption Center of Delaware Valley (an affiliate of the National Adoption Center) every week, contact the Department of Children and Family Services in your own and surrounding counties, and go to any matching events held in your region. You can also join a local adoptive parents group. Or you can meet other families online through the Learning Center. Most adoptive parents are happy to tell you what worked for them.

Once a decision has been made, and you and a particular child are being considered for each other, more time is needed for your agencies to exchange information, to plan visits, and to arrange for post placement supervision.

According to Stefanie, an adoptive mother from Westchester County, New York, "There are not enough social workers for all the kids that are out there." Most workers have large caseloads, and never enough time. It's up to you to stay in regular contact with your worker, and to ask how you can help to move the process along. Be courteous, appreciative and understanding, but remember that the squeaky wheel gets the oil!

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This article originally appeared in NACzine: The National Adoption Center Internet Magazine, Issue 23, December 2003 - January 2004.