Recently, a Long Island attorney promised a couple desperate for a baby that he could find an infant for them. The cost, he said, would be $65,000 which the couple handed over happily—a small price, they thought, for the baby they wanted so much.

Unfortunately, there was no baby, just a money-making scheme for the attorney.

We understand how logic and reason can become elusive when an infant seems close enough to touch. However, we caution would-be parents to be wary. It is best to deal with a licensed adoption agency, if possible. 

If you are working with an attorney or other intermediary, ask questions. Where is this baby coming from? Who are the parents? Will or have both mother and father relinquished rights to the baby? What do the laws of the state in which the papers were signed say about a parent changing his or her mind? Have the birth parents been counseled so that they are making their decisions thoughtfully and will not change their mind? What is the baby’s health status? When can you see the baby? A trip to another state, if necessary, can save a lot of angst. And, most important, do not allow money to leave your hands until you have actually seen the baby. 

Following these suggestions can help you avoid the heartache experienced by the couple for whom, it turned out, there was no baby. 

This week on Wednesday’s Child, we are kicking off National Adoption Month with a success feature on how it’s never too late to find your forever family. Meet Kiana and her mother, Ms. Patricia! Kiana was adopted at the age of 17 by her teacher, Patricia, who happened to be watching Wednesday’s Child one night. Prior to the feature, Patricia did not know Kiana was available for adoption. After seeing the Wednesday’s Child feature, Patricia inquired on Kiana’s history and secretly got certified as an adoptive parent. When Kiana was notified that Patricia wanted to adopt her, she was in shock and very excited!! Kiana is thankful to now have a family that includes a wonderful mother; two sisters to look up to; one brother who will always have her back; a niece she can mentor; and many aunts and uncles. 

Kiana’s success taping was a day to celebrate. Many family members and friends were there to support her as Wednesday’s Child host Vai Sikahema came to her home to learn of their story. Patricia welcomed Vai with open arms and a cake which read, “WE ARE FAMILY”. Patricia is very thankful of the Wednesday’s Child program which has opened the opportunity to add a new member to her family. Kiana is now 18- years-old and doing well in school.

On behalf of Wednesday’s Child Philadelphia, I want to thank all the dedicated parents who have stepped up to the plate and adopted. The Wednesday’s Child program, sponsored by Freddie Mac, is a great recruitment tool. Many families have a new addition to their family. In fact, over 40% of the children featured on Wednesday Child Philadelphia now have a permanent home. 


As we begin National Adoption Month, it is a good time to remember our mission here. 

We believe there are no unwanted children, just unfound families. Since our founding we have helped to place more then 22,000 children and youth from foster care into adoptive families.

We acknowledge that there are several types of appropriate permanency. We believe adoption is the best choice.

We believe the current amount of time it takes to adopt from foster care is unacceptable and untenable.

We believe additional public and private resources should be made available so barriers can be removed and more children and youth can be adopted.

All month we'll be highlighting existing programs and services, introducing new ones and working with you to allow more children to achieve permanence in their lives. 

Each year more than 20,000 young people “age out” of the foster care system. For many of them, their childhood and adolescent years were marked by the instability of multiple placements. As a result, these youth are at a higher risk for unemployment, poor academic achievement, early parenthood and homelessness than their peers living at home with their families.

When youth in foster care “age out,” they no longer have the assistance of the state or foster families and many of them do not have the skills to live on their own. According to an article in Children’s Issues, in just four years after leaving foster care, 25% of “aged out” youth have been homeless, 42% have become parents, fewer than 20% are able to support themselves, and only 46% have graduated from high school.

Unable to earn a wage sufficient for obtaining suitable housing, many end up in homeless shelters. In Philadelphia, the People’s Emergency Center (PEC) and the University of Pennsylvania School of Design are collaborating in a project to develop innovative affordable housing. The project, the Bernice Eliza Homes in the West Powelton section of the city, is a recently opened new six-family apartment house catering to hard-to-place homeless youth with children.

According to Gloria Guard, president of the non-profit PEC, which provides shelter and service to homeless families, there is a great demand for this type of housing. Many of those in the organization’s shelters have “aged out” of the city’s foster care system. For them, the PEC is providing hope for the future as well as a home. 

The Center’s initiative directed at the LGBT community to encourage consideration of adoption coincides with the adoption anti-discrimination bill introduced by U.S. Representative from California Pete Stark. His bill would restrict federal funds for states that discriminate in adoption or foster care on the basis of marital status, sexual orientation or gender identity.

Stark’s legislation is a response to the 25,000 children each year who “age out” of the child welfare system without a permanent home. 

We agree with Representative Stark that members of the LGBT community could reduce those numbers dramatically if they felt welcome as prospective adopters. The Center is working with adoption agencies to make that happen.

It is estimated that 2 million lesbian, gay or bisexual persons are interested in adoption. The backlog of children in foster care who desperately want to belong to a family could benefit dramatically if they could be “matched” with some of those individuals or couples.

There are nine states—Florida, Mississippi, Utah, Michigan, Arkansas, Nebraska, Kentucky, Ohio and Wisconsin—that explicitly prohibit LGBT couples from adopting children. This condition exists despite the numerous studies indicating that children who grow up in gay and lesbian homes are as well adjusted, happy and healthy as those raised by heterosexual parents. It is love and caring, not sexual orientation, that make the difference in the way a child grows up. 

Representative Stark believes chances of the legislation passing this Congress are “pretty good,” and said that a hearing could take place this year in a House Ways & Means subcommittee. He is looking for a Republican co-sponsor for the legislation, then will work on getting Senate companion legislation introduced.

The Center supports the legislation. We hope you do too. You can respond to us here, reach out to your Representatives and Senators and/or contact someone in a “red state” and ask them to contact members of Congress or their senators, pointing out that this legislation will make a difference in the way thousands of children grow up. 

This past weekend we had a Match Party in Houston, Delaware. Sam Yoder's Farm provided a gorgeous setting and while it was windy, the weather held for us. The purpose of a Match Party is to provide a relaxed atmosphere for guided interactions between adoptable youths from foster care and home studied families. We play games or participate in activities which get the adults and youths talking to each other and working together on common goals. 

My station was the pumpkin painting table. Here each person got a small pumpkin or two to paint. (Pumpkins graciously donated by Steve fromHurricane Hill Farm in Coatsville, Pennsylvania.) The youths jumped right into this activity. Some designs were abstract, some modern, some pretty, some goofy and some traditional. Each unique as the child. 

As they painted the potential parents chatted with the youths. Some offered encouragement and really focused on the child's painting. While other potential parents painted alongside the children while chatting with them about unrelated topics. Most stayed engrossed in the activity for the full time allotted. Whether the enthusiastic participation was as a distraction from the normal concerns at such an event or because of a sense of fun, it doesn't matter. The painting served as the icebreaker it was meant to be. From my vantage point, I could see all the typical family interactions which take place -encouragement, correction, freedom and boundaries. I could see that some adults were comfortable in the role of "parent" while others still needed to find their way. 

The reactions of the children also varied. Some were eager to show their talent, some defended their unique visions. Some comfortably chatted to anyone who listened while others depended on adults carefully drawing them out. Between the planned activities and lunch, there was plenty of time for people to get comfortable and chat. 

Our hope is that these interactions result in matches that will result in permanent families. We'll have a later post giving out the results of this party. (Although it can take 6 months to a year to know significant outcomes.) From the smiles on kids' faces I know we were successful in making a day for the youths to enjoy. The parents also looked like they had fun. Hopefully all got to see that the potential parents and the children are all just normal people. No one needs to be scared or worried about the other. Some people are shy, some talkative; some happier than others. Regardless all children deserve a permanent home full of love and security. 

BTW: we have a Teen Match Party coming up in northern NJ next week. If you're a homestudied family, we'd love to have you come on out. Call us at 215-735-9988 or email to register. 

In March 2010, everyone in the U.S. will be asked to fill out a Census questionnaire. The results of the data collected will directly affect how more than $400 billion per year in federal and state funding is allocated to communities for neighborhood improvements, public health, education, transportation, and much more. In addition, the census is used to apportion seats in the U.S. House of Representatives, to redistrict state legislatures,

The Census does not ask if the respondent is lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. To help the LGBT community complete the form, the Human Rights Campaign has listed “10 things to know about the 2010 Census” on its website ( 

Among the suggestions:
• LGBT couples who are married should check “husband” or “wife.” Other same-sex couples should check “unmarried partner.”
• Transgender people should identify with whichever sex on the census form they feel best applies to them.
• LGBT people of color in bi-racial relationships should consider identifying as head of household.

HRC also notes that the Obama administration has directed the Census Bureau to determine what changes need to be made in tabulation software to include married same-sex couples in census reports. Hopefully, this can be done so that everyone’s marriage will be treated with equal respect. 

Nia Vardalos, who adopted a child from foster care, has been named spokesperson of the 2009 National Adoption Day in November. In making the announcement, the National Adoption Day Coalition said the award winning actress/writer/director will share her story as an adoptive parent. Vardalos, Academy Award and Golden Globe nominee for the motion picture My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and her husband, Ian Gomez, adopted a 3-year-old girl last year.

Vardalos is an advocate for foster care adoption in the United States. “My goal is to raise awareness about foster family agencies who can connect prospective parents with the 129,000 legally free children in the United States waiting for a family,” Vardalos said. “I am pleased to spread the message that American foster care, while maintaining the highest level of screening, does not discriminate against applicants for reasons of income level, marital status or sexual orientation.”

Of the children in foster care in the U.S. waiting for adoption, here are some statistics, provided by Voice for Adoption.

47% are nine-years-old and older
Nearly 42 months is the average stay in foster care
Children of color stay in foster care longer and have fewer adoptions than their
white peers
Nearly 90% of children adopted from foster care in 2006 had special needs
In 2006, more than 26,000 “aged out” of foster care

“If it comes to a point that the family is so toxic for the child that termination of parental rights and staying in foster care (thus making the child free to be adopted) is in the child’s best interest, I don’t have a problem with it at all. Why would I want to keep a connection between a toxic parent and a child?” This is one judge’s comment in a recent Brief by Child Trends a research organization based in Washington D.C. Sounds reasonable, doesn't it. Yet often it seems that judges are loathe to terminate parental rights. Is this because of a belief that it is a right to raise a child any way a parent sees fit? 

What advice would you give the judiciary in helping them to decide when it’s appropriate to terminate the parental rights of a child? Is it ever appropriate or not appropriate? Would it help more children to be adopted rather then continue to languish in foster care while waiting for their biological parents to “get their act together?” 

Meet the newest addition to Wendy’s Wonderful Kids in Delaware, Na’Heim! I had a great time hanging out with Na’Heim at our first visit. He was outgoing and friendly with me right from the start! Na’Heim was eager to show off what a talented artist he is. He loves writing his name in bubbles letters, and can draw any animal you ask him too! He is an expert at games like Sorry and Uno, and has a very competitive nature. We played several rounds of Uno and Tic Tac Toe, and he concentrated very hard to win! Na’Heim is a big sports fan, and thinks that football is his best sport. He is always up for a game of football or his second favorite sport, basketball. 

Na’Heim is an adorable boy with so much energy. He has been through a lot in his short life, and is receiving services to deal with the trauma that he has faced. Na’Heim needs a stable family that will provide loving role models and give Na'Heim an opportunity to excel. Na’Heim says that he would like a fun family who is always willing to play with him and have good food at dinner time! He also would like to have pets in his home that he can take feed and take care of. 

The Wendy’s Wonderful Kid’s program is the signature program of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Since the Delaware program launched on January 1, 2005, we’ve had 33 finalizations and there are 9 children currently matched and placed with their future forever families! If you would like more information on Na’Heim or on the Wendy’s Wonderful Kid’s Program, please contact me at, or at 215-735-9988 x319.